Building Confidence & Assertiveness in Tweens
As parents, we want to raise children who are kind, respectful, and compassionate—but we also want them to have the confidence to stand up for themselves. If your child struggles to speak up when they need help, advocate for themselves in school, or assert their boundaries with friends, you may be wondering why they hesitate and how to help them develop this crucial life skill.
Understanding the Hesitation:
Why Some Tweens Struggle to Speak Up
Children between the ages of 9 and 12 are navigating a complex stage of development. They are beginning to form their own identities, experiencing social pressures, and trying to fit in while also managing an increasing number of expectations at home and school. Many factors contribute to their reluctance to stand up for themselves:
Fear of Conflict or Rejection
Tweens often worry that speaking up will lead to conflict, embarrassment, or even losing friendships. They may choose to stay silent rather than risk upsetting their peers or being seen as “difficult.”
Lack of Confidence
Confidence isn’t just something kids are born with—it’s a skill that is built over time. If a child has had negative experiences in the past where they weren’t heard or taken seriously, they may doubt their ability to advocate for themselves.
Uncertainty About What to Say
Even when children know they should speak up, they often don’t know how. Assertiveness requires specific language skills and emotional regulation, which are still developing at this age.
How to Help Your Child Build Confidence & Assertiveness
At Vision Martial Arts, we see firsthand how structured environments can empower children with the tools they need to stand up for themselves. Through programs like our Martial Arts program for tweens and teens, we help tweens develop self-confidence, situational awareness, and the ability to express themselves clearly and effectively.
Teaching Assertive Communication
Many children default to passive communication, where they allow others to make decisions for them, or aggressive communication, where they respond with frustration or anger. Assertiveness is the balance between the two—it involves clear, respectful self-expression.
Modeling assertive language at home can help. Instead of saying, “Stop taking my things!”, a child could learn to say, “I don’t like it when you take my things without asking. Please ask first.” Role-playing different scenarios where they need to advocate for themselves can also provide valuable practice.
Creating Opportunities for Small Wins
Confidence grows through experience. Encourage your child to practice small acts of assertiveness in everyday life, such as ordering their own food at a restaurant, asking a teacher for help, or expressing their opinions in family discussions. Each time they successfully stand up for themselves, they reinforce the belief that their voice matters.
Strengthening Body Language & Presence
Assertiveness isn’t just about words—body language plays a huge role in how we are perceived. A child who avoids eye contact and slouches may struggle to project confidence. In martial arts, we teach students to stand tall, make eye contact, and speak with a strong voice—skills that naturally transfer to school, social situations, and future leadership roles.
Encouraging Resilience in Social Situations
Standing up for oneself doesn’t always mean getting the response we want, and that’s okay. Helping your child understand that rejection or pushback is a normal part of life will prevent them from taking setbacks personally. Practicing role-playing and discussing real-life situations can help them navigate difficult moments without shutting down.
The Role of Martial Arts in Building Assertiveness
At Vision Martial Arts, we incorporate confidence-building exercises into our training, reinforcing both physical and verbal assertiveness. Through goal setting, public speaking drills, and leadership opportunities, students gain the tools they need to navigate social interactions with courage and self-respect.
The skills they develop in class—strong posture, a confident voice, and the ability to set boundaries—carry over into their everyday lives, helping them stand up for themselves in school, friendships, and beyond.
Helping Your Child Find Their Voice
If your child struggles to assert themselves, remember that confidence is a skill that takes time to develop. By providing a supportive environment, encouraging practice, and reinforcing small successes, you can help them find their voice and advocate for themselves with strength and respect.
For parents looking for additional ways to empower their child, structured activities like martial arts provide a safe and supportive setting where kids can practice confidence in action. At Vision Martial Arts, we are committed to helping children build the self-esteem, resilience, and assertiveness they need to thrive.
Want to learn more? Visit us today and see how martial arts training can help your child develop confidence for life!
To start your child’s martial arts journey and turbocharge their development, click the button below to schedule their first class:
Vision Martial Arts
218 Medford Ave
Patchogue, NY 11772
631-707-5610
Author: Michael A Evans
Michael’s journey in martial arts began in 1985, and he now proudly holds a 6th-degree black sash, mentored by Moises Arocho. As the co-founder of Vision Martial Arts in Patchogue, NY, he not only offers robust martial arts training for adults but is also deeply committed to childhood development. Through martial arts and various movement techniques, he empowers kids and adults to realize their potential and shine. Beyond the martial world, Michael wears the hat of a founder of Forgotten Skillz, and collaborates on the enchanting “Little Laurie Science Stories” book series and the Ninja Née Science Education Program. Educated at the NY College of Health Professions, he brings therapeutic relief to many as the lead massage therapist at Massage LI.
Vision Martial Arts is a service of Synchronicity Coaching Inc